10 Reasons Why I Love My Depression, Today's Prescription
This morning, as I do every morning, I woke up in my super comfy way-too-hard-to-get-out-of bed I call "the cloud" and gave myself a dose of reiki.
Doing a quick byosen, or scanning, I couldn't believe how "off" I felt. My neck was in a crick; my head was overactive, my root was electric; my crown chakra depleted, my tummy throbbing, my shoulders tense...and moreso than usual I felt incredibly, well, sad. It took me 30+ minutes of self reiki and a long hot shower full of stretching to get myself minutely up and at 'em.
Just like anyone else, although I am a reiki master, I have ups and downs. Call it the foggy, weather, or post-menstrual OD of progesterone hormones kicking in; having crazy dreams, or was it spirit communication last night? I don't know. Sometimes I cry and just let it pour. When someone asks, "how are you?" I immediately start bawling, and that's okay. I'm proud of it. I know I am fine and held by so many beautiful people, my guides and this Practice. I'm not afraid to walk around like a hot mess anymore. People need to see who you really are, so they too have a permission slip to live honestly--plus it's just funnier to see myself that way. :)
Having depression in a spiritual life is a glorious witnessing. I have spent years unraveling my past, re-writing my story, playing in the darkness, attending multiple trainings and healing sessions, witnessing and healing past lives, traveling interdimensionally, taking medicinals, you name it! Every time it comes on, it is lighter than before, more manageable and super interesting to behold.
Here's what I did today to kick the blues...today's prescription:
- Ate a healthy, bowl of organic granola, hemp milk and fresh fruit (although I felt nauseous).
- Went for a walk with my dog in Golden Gate Park (although I didn't want to).
- Opted for tea instead of my beloved coffee so as to not to put more strain on my adrenals, and only make my body more acidic. (This gentle tea kicked depression-butt by the way! It had lemongrass, nettle, calendula, blue vervein, fennel seed, peppermint, spearmint, and stevia...
- Talked to my friend Julia who lifted my Spirit.
- Got the best hug from my friend Alex at the grocery store.
- Received an hour long massage trade for an hour long reiki session with Brandon (if you haven't had one of his massages...see my resources page STAT. They are magic).
- Made an elaborate salad with whatever the hell I wanted in it for lunch. (Mine had soft boiled eggs, fresh diced tomatoes, roasted potatoes, homemade balsamic vinegrette...om nom nom. Side of hot buttered bread. YAS Queen.)
...and boom! Felt ten-fold better.
Long gone are the days when I used to have muscle spasms in bed in fetal position, mind playing the same thought in loop over and over, tortured by spirits, and smoking CBD was the only way I could get out of the trance and break the cycle. I fully support people in their decision to take anti-depressants, but I simply have always trusted in my ability to heal myself, no matter how painful. Every now and again it hits me, and this is the first time I have come public about it.
Know what I love about my personal relationship with depression? Here is my list of 10 reasons:
1. I know I am in control and when I have the smallest victory I feel like the ULTIMATE badass.
2. I have an excuse to pamper myself. "I need to feel better dammit...time to nap, paint the toes, etc.." ;)
3. I do things I wouldn't have the motivation to otherwise do when I break free from my chrysalis (like write this blog).
4. I remind myself to slowly breathe and to be grateful.
5. I fall more in love with my Practice every time because it keeps me present and soothes me to no end.
6. I am reminded how fucking strong I am, that I am virtually afraid of nothing--this included--and how much I love myself.
7. I allow myself to be vulnerable, to open and release, to see something deeper.
8. Singing aloud bad pop songs, or chanting in tongues are all socially acceptable in public venues.
9. Jameson the SpiritDog is more of a snuggle muffin than everrrr.
10. Having depression makes me a better listener, spirit communicator, practitioner and healer, and compassionate person overall!
Just know, no one's perfect, not even a reiki master. What makes us each oh ,so very beautiful: our individuality. It's what makes the Universe happy. Our sadness can be our greatest teacher--and the Earth, she can hold it. She loves to compost raw emotion into fertile soil! Lastly, you...are not...alone.
What are your reasons you love your depression? Please share and comment below. I would stay, but I have a chocolate bar with my name on it...
Keep Shining, Eden